Message in the Milkshake

This post isn't going to be long. It isn't a long rant (although I have a few, if you wanna know just ask ;)). I just wanted to share something small that encouraged me in a big way. 

So yesterday, I was feeling like I had everything together for the day. I had a plan. I was going to work out at this time, do homework at this time, watch the bachelor at this time, and actually get to go to BED at a decent time, which is one of the things I desire most. 

Anyways, I became stressed after the bachelor (yes, I emotionally invest myself FAR too much in that show), and then got some other news that upset me. Then I went to a study group in the library to work on my statistics homework. I thought I was almost done and it would only take an hour. 

Wrong.

Long story short, we stayed until the library closed, and then got up early when the library open. *For the record, I didn't even turn it in completed.* It was the MOST frustrating thing. 

After the leaving the library, I felt like I had lost control - I was overwhelmed with stress and frustration. 

I decided I deserved a milkshake to help me drink down my despair. 

I trudged into the gas station in my sweats, looking like a complete bum, and went to the milkshake sections, to grab my plain ol' chocolate milkshake.

And then, there it was, a sign from God: A Double Fudge Brownie Chocolate Milkshake: Limited Edition. 

I literally squealed with delight. 

I grabbed one and opened it, and the lid read:

Call me crazy, but God was literally speaking to me through this milkshake. He was saying, "Hey, it's gonna be ok - I got you! You are going to get through this! I got you!"

My strength was renewed for the night, (not to mention the shake was AMAZING).

You may think I am being ridiculous, but remember: do not limit the way God can speak to and encourage His children. He's done crazier things before, like...walking on water or making a virgin conceive....

I know that You are for me.
I know that You are for me.
I know that You will never,
forsake me in my weaknesses

I know that You have come now,
even if to write upon my heart.
To remind me who You are.

These are lyrics from Kari Jobe's "You are for me"

God's right here, holding me, even if I feel out of control. Sometimes I do a bad job of remembering that, so sometimes it's necessary for God to speak directly to my heart - through a milkshake ;)

Antidote to Grouchiness.

Two nights ago, I was just mad at the world and everyone in it. I can't exactly tell you why, cause I'm not exactly sure myself. It was probably a lot of little things. But hey, I'm a human being, a FEMALE human being, so it's to be expected that I can experience extreme moods that don't make any sense.
(unfortunately for me, and Parker, these happen more often than not)
Anywho, it was late at night(or should I say, in the early morning...) after Spring Sing rehearsal and I was exhausted and decided to vent to Parker about why everyone in the world is stupid. As I was texting him a list of things that were annoying me, a voice in the back of my head was saying "You know, there are people in the world, in the city you live in, who didn't eat anything today. You are being really petty right now." But I tried to block that voice out because "I needed to vent or I would explode." 
After I got done venting and Parker was needed to stop texting so he could go to sleep, he told me to lay everything at the Cross.

Grr. It's so much more fun to wallow in my narcissitic problems.

So while I was taking a shower before bed, I began to list things that I was thankful for. I couldn't help but smile. The scowl lines on my forehead disappeared, and I became aware of how truly blessed I am. Here's some of my list:

Well for starters AND enders, Jesus listens to me as I go on complaining, and when I am done, He still loves me just the same. 

Following that, my boyfriend also listens to me and loves me, even when I am being a "moody girl." I am SO blessed to have someone so patient in my life.

My wonderful family. Families can't be perfect, but I have to say, mine come pretty darn close!

OC. I love being at a school where teachers can just decide to pray in class when they feel like it.

My friends. Gosh I love my girls and my life would be so boring and dull without them.

Those of you reading this may not have an awesome boyfriend who listens to you. Your family may be not much of a family. You might not be in school right now. But there are still ENDLESS things for you to be thankful for. My list goes on:

Puppies. God didn't have to make them, but He did. I don't know why, maybe because he knew the immense joy they bring to people such as myself.

The breath I just took.

Chick-flicks.

The taste of mint chocolate...yumm :)

Flowers. I love flowers. They are just so beautiful and colorful and there are so many kinds!

Chick-fil-a breakfast.

Starbucks.

Music. Music speaks to me and for me when I can't adequately speak or listen.

Pictures. I love reminiscing on memories captured in photos.

The map that comes on my iPhone. I would be so lost without it, literally.

My hair color. It's natural too ;)

Texting.

The Lizzie McGuire Movie. 

And the list goes on. But like I said, I begin and end with Jesus. His gift of grace that is in His salvation is noncomprehendible, immeasurable, and unequal in value to anything else. I hope and pray that if you are reading this, you come to know this Savior of mine :)

That's what I got for now. Feeling blue? Just try listing things you are thankful for and see if you can stay grouchy for long :)

New Year, New Vision

**DISCLAIMER**Ok first item of business, I realize I haven't blogged for a long time. But I never claimed to be a "regular blogger," just whenever I feel I have something that needs to be blogged about. And now I do, so I hope you are blessed by it :)

So.....

As we all know we have just celebrated the beginning of a new year. I have never really been a fan of "New Year's Resolutions," because I feel like they are just something people think they should do. Many people, myself included, set goals that they never finish. I think deep down many people don't really want to change. For example, bazillions of people set a weight goal, and don't meet it or give up. I think many people make this because other people are doing it, or they are pressured by society. Or a goal to do more Bible studies - because "that's what good Christians do." They aren't stirred to change, just feel like it's a good idea.

Now don't get me wrong, I think its good to work towards goals, and the New Year is a good time to start fresh. I just think some people don't truly want what they say they want because they are not stirred deep down...  

Well, I have been stirred.

For the past couple of months, God has been stirring up something inside of me, and it has to do with the way I love. I'm not just talking about the way I love Parker, but especially him. God has been showing me the attitude I have: and that is to give back only what I get. And I have a problem with this kind of loving. Here's an example: If Parker were to say we are going to do something at a certain time, then I would be ready at that time and be excited to do whatever we were doing. And then that thing never happens or happens much later than what he says, it makes me upset, and also makes me feel like I am not a priority and should just be put into his schedule when he "has time." (I know that's not the case, but that is how I feel).

So then, when HE wants to hang out and is ready, I want to make him wait or feel "unimportant" like he made me feel. 

And for the past couple of months, anytime of have this feeling of "I'm only giving what I am getting," God presses on my heart and I feel like this is not the way it should be. 

But the kind of love I am talking about, it's not natural. There is no way that I, a mere human, could love other messed up humans like that. 

That kind of love, well it's supernatural.

Luckily, we have a supernatural God who works supernaturally through us :) 

I have been thinking these things for awhile, and I came across this passage:

⁸ Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law. ⁹ The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,” and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” ¹⁰ Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

 ¹¹ And do this, understanding the present time: The hour has already come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. ¹² The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. ¹³ Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. ¹⁴ Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh.

This passage was exciting to me because I said the ONLY debt we have is to CONTINUALLY LOVE ONE ANOTHER. Continually. 

I want this passage, Romans 13:8-14, to be my vision for this year. I want to allow the Holy Spirit to work in me and through me and love with a more Christlike love. 

Also, the second part of this passage really put something else into perspective to me: and that is we are a year closer to the coming of Our Precious Lord and Savior. HOW EXCITING!!!!!! A whole lot of people need the love of Jesus this year. We are not guaranteed tomorrow, so love like Jesus and share His Good News today. 

It's gonna be a good year, I can feel it :) Be a blessing this year.

Our God is good, all the time :) 

PS- I turn 21 in 8 days - crazy!!
PPS- Food for thought:

Perfection

Never let Him see you when you're breaking
And never let Him see you when you fall
That's how we live
And that's how we try

Tell the world you've got it all together
And never let him see what's underneath
We cover it up with a crooked smile
But it only lasts for a little while

There's no such thing as perfect people
There's no such thing as a perfect life
So come as you are, broken and scarred
Lift up your heart and be amazed
And be changed by a perfect God, yeah

Suddenly it's like a weight is lifted
When you hear the words that you are loved
He knows where you are and where you've been
And you never have to go there again, no

There's no such thing as perfect people
And there's no such thing as a perfect life
So come as you are, broken and scarred
Lift up your heart and be amazed
And be changed by a perfect God

Who lived and died to give new life
To heal our imperfections
So look up and see love
And let grace be enough, oh

There's no such thing as perfect people, yeah
There's no such thing as a perfect life
So come as you are, broken and scarred
Lift up your heart and be amazed
And be changed by a perfect God

By a perfect God, yeah
By a perfect God, yeah
By a perfect God
By a perfect God

Be changed by a perfect God
Be changed
 (These are lyrics to Natalie Grant's "Perfect People")

We don't know what perfect is. You won't ever find a person who completes you. There is no such thing as unconditional love.

Without God.

For me, this concept is very hard to grasp. I've been a firm believer in fairy tales for years and years now(and still am ps). I knew, for the most part, that almost everyone doesn't get that perfection/fairy tale life that they seek. That most everyone has flaws, and every relationship you have, with your mom, your sister, whoever, won't be perfect.

...

But I kinda thought I would be the exception.

...

And I guess we all think that.

...

Well, I can say, no one is perfect. Especially me. I love the lyric in this song "let grace be enough." It just screams at me. I feel so often that I need to get to a certain standard, or other people need to get to a certain standard. But I can never attain that certain standard of perfection.

So let grace be enough.

Soak in those words.

Let grace be enough.

Amen.

Don't ever wish you had a different life. Be appreciative of the relationships God has given you, because they are perfectly imperfect in His eyes.

So go be perfectly imperfect you.
Let grace be enough

Ecc. 7:2

Maybe you know what has been going on in my life. Maybe you have been watching my facebook and wondering what the heck is going on. Maybe you are a stranger. Long story short: My life has been insane the past week.

Good grief. I guess I'll start at the beginning. Short story long:

Parker and I have been dating since high school, so I am very familiar with his family.
Familiar as in, I love them, and love to do things with them. Anyways, that being said, I obviously am close to his grandparents, Herb and Sharon. They are the sweetest! Sadly, Herb had been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis for a long time now, and it was just getting worse. The kind he had had taken over his lungs. At the beginning of the summer in May, Parker and I got to go stay with them for a few days at their home in east Texas. It was wonderful, really, just blissful. Herb took us fishing at the crack of dawn, (literally), let us borrow his awesome truck, took us to an old grave site, took us on a nature trail, and may have talked to us about politics...a little... ;)
During the time we were there, he could only use 40% of his lungs, although that did not stop him from walking between his truck and the boat as he tried to pull it back onto land, and do other things he probably shouldn't, which would then lead to a tragic sounding coughing fit.

As the summer progressed, so did the R.A. There was a scare a several weeks back, and he actually agreed to go to the emergency room, (which is a BIG deal for this "I-can-do-everything-myself" man). He was released from the hospital shortly after, but not with some big "ah-ha" cure. Things were getting worse. Then a few weeks ago, he had to go to the ER again. Things were not looking good.

Now to recent times:
Monday, Parker's parents called to tell him that he probably should come home on the weekend to see Herb, because, well, things weren't looking good. Parker told me this, and so at this point I start planning on missing my social club, Gamma Rho's induction weekend, when we do stuff all night for two nights for the new rushees. I had been looking forward to this weekend for a year, but of course, Parker and his family are much more important, so it was an easy decision.

Tuesday, Parker gets a call from his parents telling him the news: it's terminal.

How do you handle that? Your grandfather, someone who you look and act like, someone who is invincible.

At this point, Parker wanted to leave during the week, Thursday, Friday, or even Wednesday! After more talking to his family, we was pretty convinced he was going to leave Thursday(ish). Gosh everything was happening so fast. And by he was going to leave Wednesday, I mean we. Because that's how we operate. Even though I have never gone through death of a close loved one, I knew enough to know, whatever happened, it would bring us closer to go through it together. Cause that's what I want. What's important to him, is important to me. What's affecting him, is affecting me. Whoever his family is, is my family. Because that's what love is.

Wednesday, By the grace of God, my morning class was cancelled. Like a good girl, I had actually gotten up, did what I needed to do for class, and was actually not rushing around. At 10:43, Parker called. Normally at this time, I would be in class. Normally at this time, Parker is in class. He said he got a call from his mom, saying we need to leave, now. He was unresponsive. (Still breathing, but not responding much)
"Do you want to go?"
...
"Yes."

Are you stressed yet? Cause now the real ride begins.

All I grabbed was my laptop, cell phone, and two books. No clothes. No toothbrush. I didn't know how long I would be gone. I just figured I would be able to have everything I needed at my house.
I left OC and drove to OCU, picked up Parker, (my car gets way better gas mileage). and we were off.
On the way to Texas, we realized that we weren't just going to Fort Worth, but out to east Texas, where his grandparents live. You know that moment of, "...oh yea..." Yep.
So we drove to east Texas, which was a 5 hour drive total.

We drove straight to the hospice place where Herb was. Straight there, and together we walked into the unknown. In Herb's room were Sharon, and there 3 kids, one being Parker's dad. Herb was in the bed, hooked up to a oxygen machine. The room was already full of tears. Yea, I needed the Lord's strength to get through this one.
Soon after we got there, Parker's mom arrived with all of the rest of the grandkids, (Parker's cousins).
So many tears.
As the night progressed, groups of us took turns going to get food, while the rest of us stayed with Herb. He slept the whole time, breathing slow, hard breaths.
Although a few times, a family member would lean in close to his ear, and rub his arm while they talked and he would open his eyes and try to look at us.

He would respond more to Sharon. Which was just...priceless to watch.
Love in action is the most powerful thing.

As this LONG day came to a close, everyone went back to Sharon and Herb's house, and slept anywhere there was a place to sleep. Sharon, and two other family members stayed with Herb all night.

Thursday, I heard Parker's mom waking him up in the room next to the one I was staying in. Parker came in my room and said "Grandma just called, we need to go up there now."

Within 10 minutes, everyone in the house was awake, with some assortment of clothing on, and in the cars. Not everyone had gotten to brush their teeth, or even put on deodorant. It was a few minutes after 8 am, and there was already anxious tears starting.

We got to the hospice center, and walked towards his room. We all actually got into the room at different times, seeing as we all walk at different paces. When I turned the corner before his room, I heard one of the most horrific sounds I have ever heard: a loud wail "Oh dad."

...Lord give us strength...

 He had passed before everyone had gotten there. But not before he was actually able to tell his wife that he loved her. 
So many tears, so much pain.

It's incredible to watch someone actually be taking care of business, (funeral arrangements, etc) during a time like this, when your best friend of 52 years has just passed. Maybe because everything was so surreal. Maybe because of the prayers of our friends. 

After over an hour of everyone being together in the room, laughing, crying, and comforting each other any way we could, we left. We got breakfast, still feeling like nothing was real.

Later that day, some of the family was going to meet with the funeral home. Parker and I decided to go back to Fort Worth, because there were things at home we needed and needed to get done. 

That night I began to stress about school, and missing Gamma inductions. The funeral wasn't until Monday. So, I decided to go back to Oklahoma to be there with my sisters. (Throughout all of this, they were praying hard for the whole situation). Not to mention do some homework that was piling up.

Friday, I slept in, in my own bed, which I need for the journey I had just gone through and the journey that was ahead of me. By myself, I drove all the way back to OK. I got there and went straight to the mall in order to get things for induction. I got to my apartment after 8 pm. Inductions were 12-4:30 am. Whew. What a day.

Saturday,  I got a little sleep, then I had to do homework, then Gamma stuff, then more homework, then more Gamma stuff til late...then a little sleep.

Sunday, Get up, actually packed a bag this time!, go to Parker's school to get his dress shoes and homework, and then drove by myself, 5 hours all the way out to east Texas. 

I finally found his grandparent's house just in time to change and leave with the family for the viewing. Which was very taxing. By the time it was over, at 8 pm, I felt like it was the middle of the night - I was a zombie.  After Chili's with EVERYONE, time for a little sleep.

Monday, Before the sun, we awoke to get ready for the funeral. Then we went to the funeral. We walked in to the song "You are my sunshine," which my grandmother sings to me, so I started crying at this point. It was a beautiful service. The main point? Herb was a wonderful man, who was now home, with God. Praise. The. Lord.

After the funeral, lunch time, then back to the house, quick nap, and then I drove again, by myself, back to Ok. And, got lost a few times on the way. I made it back to my apartment at 8:30, and was up til 3 am doing statistics homework(I DON'T wanna talk about it).

Tuesday class ALL day, which started at 7:15 am, and ended at 4 pm. I'm a wee bit tired.

Through all of the craziness, I held on to little glimpses of God, things to be thankful for:

•  Going to school in Oklahoma. When we got the call, we were able to drive down right away, instead of being across the country.
• The hospitality of everyone: from Candy, Parker's mom, buying me everything I needed at Walmart, to people I do not even know offering us their house or condos to stay in if we needed a place to stay
•   That so much of the family was able to be there
• That we made it there on time to see him while he was still alive. Not only see him, but get to see him respond the way he did to Sharon talked to him. To get to watch everyone take turns holding his hand, to let him know we were there, including myself. Let me tell you, that was humbling.
•   To witness the incredible, undeniable love that Sharon and Herb shared. Even in the hospice room, there love was overwhelming.     
• That He went peacfully 
• That the whole family held hands and prayed together
• That we got to listen to Christian music the entire way back, while Jeff was driving
• For everyone, and there were TONS, of people who were praying, I cannot thank you enough. They were heard, and God was with us the whole time.

Most of all, that he is now with our Lord Jesus, more alive than any of us, in no pain. And that we will see him again some day. 

                                                                                                                                                  

Herb was a wonderful man, who loved people almost as much as he loved Jesus.

 It is better to go to a house of mourning
   than to go to a house of feasting,
for death is the destiny of everyone;
   the living should take this to heart. Ecc. 7:2

I read this verse before I left for Texas last Wednesday. I didn't understand it. I do now. Through all of the pain and tears, love still prevailed. Love still conquered. Thankfully, Herb had already died to this life, when He surrendered it to Jesus. Now he is truly living. 

I don't know how people handle death without Jesus. Because then they experience death for what it really is, death. 

Jesus already conquered death, so choosing him, you conquer it as well.

I can't wait to see him again in Heaven. I can't wait to hug him, like he hugged me this summer after he took Parker and I fishing. I've heard a million times this past week that he's up in heaven, fishing now, waiting for us to all be together again.

Mercies in Disguise

This is a lot of rambling, coming from lots of directions. You may get nothing out of this, but I did. God spoke to me, and so I'm sharing. :)

Sometimes I’m scared. Ok, lots of time.

Sometimes I don’t understand why Parker loves me the way he does. Ok, lots of times.

Sometimes I think I’m not cut out to be with him. I feel like I am too high-strung and needy. Seriously. I feel like I am that crazy, annoying person. And you know what’s the worst?

When I feel it happening, yet still feel the way I do.

Or even worser, when I don’t wanna change the way I feel.

I feel like I need some one who can give me all the attention, the way I want it, when I want it.

Well guess what? That person doesn’t exist. Because the world doesn’t revolve around me. Easy to say. Hard to actually believe. Not to actually believe. But hard not to get mad when people can’t read my mind. When people don’t react or act the way I want them to. When people don’t think like me. When people don't give me the attention I think I need or deserve or want.

Especially Parker. It’s not fair to him that he gets the brunt of my anger, fears, and frustration. Why is that? Well maybe it’s because I trust him most of all. I feel most comfortable that I can do anything, and he will still love me.

Remind you of something? You think that’s why God created earthly love/marriage? To be a reflection of the way He loves us? Perfectly, completely. Of course His is perfect, much better than Parker’s, (sorry babe).

You know that song by Laura Story, “Blessings”? Well look it up right now. Life changing if you let it. Here are the lyrics.

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching(s) of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

Wow. As I listen to this song as I write this, I’m just struck, again. God is so good. Even when we are not. Even and ALWAYS when we don’t understand.

Everything that I am longing for, God has given me the opportunity to have. Maybe not in the ways I would have picked, but that just means it’s not up to par with what God has planned.

A quote from the movie Evan Almighty that I just love, is when Morgan Freeman, playing the part of God, is talking to the mom. She prayed for the family to grow closer together.

“God” said to her, “Do you think you will just be given a closer family? Or the opportunity to grow closer together?”

 ….let's just think about and apply that for a minute, shall we...

(I say that to people when giving advice, I guess it would be nice if I could listen to myself more often.)

And you know what? That part in the movie, the family had to choose to stay together in a very hard time. But the mom knew if she chose to stay, they would indeed grow closer together.

What do I pray for? Long for? Want more than anything else here on this earth and disappointed when I don’t get it exactly when and how and to the degree I want it? You ever just feel like you are never satisfied enough of what you truly want here?

“...Yet you love us way to much to give us lesser things.//

//…is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy” <3

Verses that pertain to me and this entry right now:

"Love is patient..." 1 Cor. 13:4(wonder why it starts with patience…)

⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
   neither are your ways my ways,”
            declares the LORD.
⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
   so are my ways higher than your ways
   and my thoughts than your thoughts.
¹⁰ As the rain and the snow
   come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
   without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
   so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
¹¹ so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
   It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
   and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
...This will be for the LORD’s renown,
   for an everlasting sign,
   that will endure forever.” Isaiah 55:8-13

End Note: Parker is wonderful. Don't think this came from him doing something, cause it didn't. It came from me and my crazy neediness. :)

Seriously, listen to that song right now. I think I have listened to it like 6 times while I have been writing this.

I don't wanna go through the motions...

 Things on my heart on 8/17

Well. Where to begin? A week from now I will be in my new apartment, about to start my Junior Year of college. Yea, I don’t know where the time went. I can’t even begin to describe everything that happened this summer: so much, it seems etched into me besides something like “oh yea, I went to Romania for a month this summer.” Every day becomes a part of me, I can’t seem to separate things. Anywho, getting off subject. Just thinking about the future, as my future unfolds every day. Last night, I had an amazing talk with Candy. I have never had a talk like that with her, and I feel so much closer to her and more comfortable with her. In short, I just adored last night. She asked me what I really wanted to do. Not what other people said. But me. What am I passionate about? Gah. You know the saying and the feeling “practice what you preach?” I feel like I am the worst at it. I feel like I am so good with empathizing with others, yet I can’t get myself to follow my own advice. So, what am I passionate about? First and foremost, spreading Jesus and the Good News and grace He will give to those who believe and follow. If I truly believe in an all-powerful God, who created the universe and everything in it, why would I not be passionate about such an omnipotent being? If I truly believe that Jesus, came to earth and did what He said He did, and that He Alone is the only way to have life everlasting, why would I not want my life mission to be telling others this? It makes no sense to me that the most we get is a mean of 85 years on this life. Boom. Then it’s over. No, that doesn’t seem right to me, and I don’t believe that’s it for a minute. Everything is too precise for that to be all. Like the earth being exactly in the right spot from the sun, any different and we die. And the way we recreate. How babies are created from two cells, and the life cycle we live. No way is that all there is to life. So, I believe this, and I wanna share it. That is my passion.

This world we live in, though, makes me feel like it’s not good enough. “Don’t you wanna be famous? Don’t you want to start a business? Don’t you want to make one grand a year? You have the talents to do it, don’t you want that nice life?” Sound familiar?

You know what, if I believe that faith and grace from Jesus Christ is the only way to obtain eternal life, and the only way to escape existence without God, which is indeed hell(oh my gosh, I said the H word), then I don’t think it matters if I have a 60 inch tv. I don’t think it matters if I get all of the clothes I think are pretty, which believe me, there is a lot. I think the only thing that matters is that I am telling as many people as I can about my loving God and Savior. Can I get an Amen?

Then the question comes up: what if something happens and you have to provide for your family? What a haunting question. So in other words, what is the REAL job you should have as a “back-up” if you need more money than Jesus-preaching brings. Well, this has led me to an interest in psychology. I love people. I do. I think many are stupid. I even think I am stupid a lot of the time. But I love listening to people and emphasizing with them and helping them see the good in their situations and life. I like to make things better for others.

Forever I flipped back and forth between what major to choose. Bible? Missions? Psychology? Family Studies? Business? I really do like taking other classes besides “core classes” seeing as that’s all I have taken since kindergarten. I think I could be good at family studies/psych. And other things have pointed me in that direction. So that’s what I chose.

Yet I still flip-flop in my mind. What can I actually do with a Bible major? I want to learn all I can about God’s word. I do. But I also don’t want to work just with churched people (see what I am passionate about above). So, talking with Candy last night, at the beginning of the conversation, she said, “you do what you are passionate about.” Well the first thing that came into my mind was “crap, I should switch majors. Ughhhhh” but the more I thought about it last night AND now, I think I want to go for psych/family studies. It’s something new and it can train me with how to work with different kinds of people, so I can work with them and relate to them. I might NOT go to grad school and become a counselor. In fact, I’m pretty sure I wont right after I graduate. (But hey, don’t quote me cause I haven’t spent time and prayer on that one). I would LOVE working with a non-profit organization. And if I ever felt led to be a counselor, I would have the tools and the background to pursue that.

You know what else I’m passionate about. Love. Absolutely drives me to the core. Call me a hopeless romantic, I am. Call me ridiculous and a believer in fairy tales, I am. But I am obsessed with love. I’m obsessed with the love God has given me, Parker Havens. What do I want in life? I want to get married. I seriously can.not.wait. Ugh. I want it so badly. I want it for the cheesy reasons. I want it for the real reasons: like making a budget together, going through loss together, fighting together, loving together, laughing together, always always always saying “I love you” before bed. I know there will be hard times. I know. Fight for it. Go to counseling. But always say that you love them, and mean it. You don’t have to like them. Remember you said, “until death do us part.” That’s a promise to me, and I hold that promise in my heart and soul. Because once you have love, don’t ever ever EVER water it down. Ever. Always. Be my 70-something year old grandparents who kiss each other hello AND goodbye when one leaves for the store. Hold hands when you are 80 walking into walmart. One time, I saw a couple park in the handicap spot at Ihop. An old man got out, walked very slowly to the passenger side, and then proceeded to help his wife, who was bent over and used a walker(she I guess had a bad back) and walk at the pace of a TURTLE into the restaurant. I died. It was the sweetest thing I have ever seen. That is love. That is what I want. That is what I will have. Don’t settle for anything less.

Going along with all that lovey dovey stuff,  I love weddings. Everything about them. I love pictures. I don’t know if I could actually be good at that stuff, but I love looking at it and hopefully I can try it someday soon. I would seriously be so happy working in David’s Bridal or Kleinfeld’s. Seriously. So. Happy.

So those are my passions. I have always believed that people should go for their dreams, but only if they are in accordance with God’s plan for you. I am so thankful that He is in charge and I am not, and that everybody has a particular job and I don’t have to be responsible for all of them. Just mine.

That's all for my first post. :)

Inspiration:

¹⁸ But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. ¹⁹ If they were all one part, where would the body be? ²⁰ As it is, there are many parts, but one body. 1 Corinthians 12;18-19

¹⁴ How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? ¹⁵ And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!” Romans 10:14-15

⁹ In their hearts humans plan their course,
   but the LORD establishes their steps. Proverbs 16:9

²¹ Many are the plans in a person’s heart,
   but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21

⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart
   and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to him,
   and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

¹¹ For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. ¹² It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, ¹³ while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, ¹⁴ who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good. Titus 2:11-14

³ Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. ⁴ Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, ⁵ to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. Titus 2:3-5

…when I found the one my heart loves.” Song of Solomon 3:4

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:6

¹⁹ Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20